You know sometimes i wish that I could really talk to someone about how i feel.. but somehow i feel that this is not possible.. because im afraid of the judgements they would make about me, how their opinion on me will change...i don't wanna jeopardize any relationship this way. sometimes i would much rather just bottle everything up and just stuff it deep down inside me, so i can forget it and pretend. i wish i could just swallow everything down and just forget about everything.

You know sometimes in a way i wish that i could really just break ties with everyone and just meet new people, new people who do not know me at all, do not have any previous judgement or opinions of me, forge new friendships, learn new things. so i wouldn't be obligated to do anything. so it won't be like.. oh you have done this this this for these few years already, if you don't continue.. what else can you do? it's these kinds of questions which really irk me, but frankly i don't even know what else i could do. but then again i couldn't just leave everything behind could i? isn't life about always trying new things, meeting new people, gaining new experience? then why do we always hang on to the past?

right now i can only hope for the best.