• I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it
• I used to have a handle on life - but mine broke.
• Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
• Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
• I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
• Out of my mind, back in five minutes.
• Ever stop to think? and forget to start again?
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
• They call it PMS because Mad Cow disease was already taken.
• The trouble with life is...there's no background music.
• He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
• A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.
• Computer programmers don't byte, they just nibble a bit.
• The meek shall inherit the earth ... after we're through with it..
• Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
• Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them.
• Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.
• Consciousness - that annoying time between naps...